Last week I found myself in a situation I never imagined I'd be in: a search and rescue. Worse yet, a search and rescue for dear friends known well, loved well. And after three days these friends were not found, only personal items that forced the assumption of worst fears.
How do you find adventure in pain, tragedy, and loss when you cannot even find sense or reason in what otherwise seems a tragic waist or when you can't even remember what you did yesterday because you wondered through the day is a haze of grief, anger, and pain that clouded your thoughts?
How do you find adventure when you are trying to find how to continue when all around you are suffering and you want to comfort and fix but you are broken and uncomfortable too and being in their presence with all the uncomfortable and brokenness makes you even more uncomfortable and it seams, at times, easier to run away and surround yourself with people that aren't as uncomfortable and broken (or at least seem to hide it better as we are all uncomfortable and broken in this fallen world at times and only pretend things are normal)? It seams easier to just put on that mask among others who are able to do the same and ignore the harsh reality of loss because it seems too hard to face.
But we mustn't take the easy way out! Hiding from the pain, the ache, is only easier now but results in a gaping wound never healed that oozes into every pore of your life causing all to be effected by the heartbreak, bringing the good of life down (Therapists call this "getting stuck in the grieving process"). What happens next, the new comer to suffering asks, when told we can get stuck in the grieving process: the slow decay of a life from one infection that was hidden instead of faced, denied instead of disinfected.
So, we mustn't take the easy way. We mustn't hide, mask, or pretend we are as we have been before. We must sit in the uncomfortable. We need to simply be, with no words if we have none, with our own pain, uncertainty, and wave upon wave of emotion, and with others who also feel the same helplessness in the face of a barrage of emotions that comes with no words to explain, no reason, or way to fix.
And then wait and see and trust. See what this wound, slowly healed to leave a scar and the circumstances that caused such a deep cut may bring. Trusting there is still goodness to be had. The wound may bring goodness we could never dream up. The scar, that we will carry with us forever, may become bitter sweet to our soul: a reminder of the loss, the pain, the grief, the hurt but also the very bloodied battle ground where you saw the strength within yourself, the love and faithfulness of those who stayed in the uncomfortable with you, and most of all the presence of the Giver of Life, who despite His Kingship sat next to you, had heartbreak, and maybe even held you in the uncomfortable, in the agony.
Maybe that is the adventure? A hard adventure but an adventure of discovery, a discovery of such a nature it can only be discovered in the wake of the worst pain, loss, disappointment that this earthly dirt has to offer, a good discovery though, of yourself, your best and truest relationships, and your Great Life Giver.
How do you find adventure in pain, tragedy, and loss when you cannot even find sense or reason in what otherwise seems a tragic waist or when you can't even remember what you did yesterday because you wondered through the day is a haze of grief, anger, and pain that clouded your thoughts?
But we mustn't take the easy way out! Hiding from the pain, the ache, is only easier now but results in a gaping wound never healed that oozes into every pore of your life causing all to be effected by the heartbreak, bringing the good of life down (Therapists call this "getting stuck in the grieving process"). What happens next, the new comer to suffering asks, when told we can get stuck in the grieving process: the slow decay of a life from one infection that was hidden instead of faced, denied instead of disinfected.
So, we mustn't take the easy way. We mustn't hide, mask, or pretend we are as we have been before. We must sit in the uncomfortable. We need to simply be, with no words if we have none, with our own pain, uncertainty, and wave upon wave of emotion, and with others who also feel the same helplessness in the face of a barrage of emotions that comes with no words to explain, no reason, or way to fix.
And then wait and see and trust. See what this wound, slowly healed to leave a scar and the circumstances that caused such a deep cut may bring. Trusting there is still goodness to be had. The wound may bring goodness we could never dream up. The scar, that we will carry with us forever, may become bitter sweet to our soul: a reminder of the loss, the pain, the grief, the hurt but also the very bloodied battle ground where you saw the strength within yourself, the love and faithfulness of those who stayed in the uncomfortable with you, and most of all the presence of the Giver of Life, who despite His Kingship sat next to you, had heartbreak, and maybe even held you in the uncomfortable, in the agony.
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